Amy's Rosy Life is a blog about plantbased food, lifestyle, travel, fashion and style

edited by Amy Rose


That's life...

It's been an era since I last posted and although it's actually only months ago, it already feels like a different life time.

Life has changed, and honestly if you had asked me this time last year what my life would look like, my answer would not have been this. I think it may have been something along the lines of, blogging, potentially a new job, a couple of holidays and life would be pretty much as it had been, no big plans or goals to reach for.

But that's life, and it doesn't always turn out how you expect, good or bad it's a funny old game.

In October last year I went on a 2 week holiday with my husband to Northern Cyprus. Two major things happened to me when I was there.

1st, my grandad died. He was 97, and after losing my nan in December 2016 had begun to waste away with loneliness and exhaustion. We have a big family and we all adored him, but the daily visits and phone calls couldn't replace what he had with my nan. So one morning he woke up, got up and made his bed, dressed in trousers and a shirt, made himself a cup of tea which he then washed up, and then (here is where I would like to think my nan came to get him) he left us. He was the most treasured gramps, he was funny, naughty, cuddly, singing, loving, adoring grandad you could ever want. Treasured memories.

I was surprised it happened as he was always so hale, but the heart knows what it knows and when you lose the other half of yourself, there's only so long you can stay on this earth for without joining them to make yourself whole again.

6 days later, I took a pregnancy test that had the faintest positive line, but positive it was. With sadness, then came joy, shock, fear, elation, and probably a whole host of other emotions I can't even describe. My husband and I had suffered pregnancy loss but it felt different, purposeful and true. I somehow knew that even though that line was faint it was the strongest line I'd ever seen.

My heart began to repair and I remember looking up to the brightest moon that night and saying thank you to my grandad, for all he'd given me.

Telling my mum was so hard. I waited until I got home and after the funeral. I was scared that by telling her I would build up her hopes only for them to be lost again if the pregnancy wasn't viable. But seeing her face when I told her, was worth all the worry.

Since then I've been on a personal journey of discovery and acceptance, not to mention horrible all day pregnancy sickness that affected my work and relationships - but thankfully I'm in my 2nd trimester and that seems to be a distant bad memory, except for mushrooms, I still can't eat a mushroom on it's own :(

Being a mum is something I never actually thought I'd be, and as I said at this time last year I had definitely been planning life without children. But although I'm finding it tough to picture myself with the care and responsibility of another human, I can rise to that challenge and do it to the best of my ability. I have the most fantastic husband that has allowed me to shine and with him by my side will help me be a great mum. He will be the best dad and I wouldn't have considered doing this with any one else.

I also have such an incredible family, especially the women. They are all strong, and will influence my child the way they influence me.

So, after all that, I'm happy it's a new era, and can't wait for the next chapter to begin.

AR x

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